7 Crazy Mistakes We Make in the Pursuit of Happiness – By: Dr. Matt Lindsay

smiley_faces-1920x1080Let’s face it.  Every time you turn around, you find new advice on being happy.  Books promising to reveal the true secret of happiness.  Blog posts telling you, “Write down three things that make you happy today.”  Friends saying, “Move on!” and, “Cheer up!” after you’ve had a bad day. And maybe you’re wondering… what’s wrong with that? Happiness is a good thing right?  Well, yes.  Of course it is. But we are being taught from a really young age that our lives should be a straight and narrow path toward happiness. We are taught that we should strive for happiness, and happiness alone in everything we do. And that if we’re not always feeling happy, then something is terribly wrong. The truth is, happiness should not be our only focus, and continuously striving for it, to the detriment of everything else, can actually cause us to make lots of mistakes.  Here are seven such mistakes that we simply make all the time, and how to fix them:

1.  We view setbacks and growing pains as failures

When we actively pursue happiness, anything that makes us feel unhappy can seem like a failure – such as a simple setback or challenging moment that we encounter – when in reality these things are unavoidable and regardless of the specifics, they are normal parts of personal growth and development.  Sometimes it’s just easier to feel depressed and trapped by these experiences and let them get the best of us. I want you to take a second and think about a time in your life when you faced a challenge.  Maybe you lost your job, were betrayed by a friend, or got rejected or hurt by a loved one.  How did you respond to this particular event?  Did you feel like a victim, or did you embrace it as an opportunity to grow as a person and learn something valuable? If you’re like most people (including myself), you probably struggled to have a positive attitude at the time, and the situation was probably incredibly hard to deal with. And the truth is, challenges are never easy. However, setbacks and challenging moments in life are also opportunities in disguise for something bigger and better.  If we can learn to appreciate and embrace them equally to the moments that make us feel happy, we can more easily see the light in our darkest moments, push through these difficult times and make the most of every opportunity to heal and grow.

2.  We get addicted to short-term, quick fixes of pleasure

As someone reading this, take a moment and ask yourself this question and answer it truthfully… are you a person that has patience? I’m going to be honest with you, i am not. It is something a force myself to work on each and everyday. In our impatience to find happiness, we often seek pleasure instead because it’s easier to achieve in the short-term. This can cause us to rely on pleasurable experiences in an unhealthy way.  For example, we might actually find ourselves feeling anxious if we don’t have anything to look forward to, such as an exciting vacation in the near future. But relying on pleasurable experiences as a means to really truly acquire happiness will only leave us always wanting more – much like a drug where we become an addict to our next fix. Because pleasure is short lived and offers no sense of deep fulfillment.

“The pleasure-centered person, too soon bored with each succeeding level of “fun”, constantly cries for more and more.  So the next new pleasure has to be bigger and better, more exciting, with a bigger “high.”
―Steven Covey

Long-lasting happiness is not found in quick doses of pleasure, but rather through meaningful experiences over time, such as nurturing a passion, overcoming hardships, learning new life skills, and making a difference by enriching the lives of others.

3.  We neglect the amazing people around us

Deliberately striving for happiness can also lead us to be self-centered – “I want happiness and I want it now!” – instead of achieving happiness over time through meaningful experiences and service to a greater cause. In this case, where the focus is only on today’s must-have dose of happiness, we become more of a “taker” rather than a “giver.”  We focus all of our attention on ourselves – me, me, me – so our immediate desires are more easily met, instead of considering new ways to make a rewarding, lasting difference in our lives and the lives around us.  We prioritize our pursuit over all the people – family, friends and strangers – who need us. The truth is, making a difference by giving to others is actually one of the greatest ways that we can find happiness.  There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.  It gives us a greater sense of meaning, purpose and fulfillment and often makes us feel much more content with our lives and who we are as individuals.

“If you want happiness for an hour – take a nap.  If you want happiness for a day – go fishing.  If you want happiness for a month – get married.  If you want happiness for a year – inherit a fortune.  If you want happiness for a lifetime – help others.”
―Chinese Proverb

4.  We let our expectations sap the joy out of genuine experiences

Think about a time when you were looking forward to something.  Maybe it was as simple as a nice walk on the beach with your lady, or perhaps a vacation you had been planning with a friend or spouse. When the time finally came, did you find yourself getting completely lost in the experience and having a great time, or were you scatter-brained with expectations of how the experience was “supposed to be,” and thus subconsciously feeling somewhat disappointed? Too often we become so determined to feel happy in a certain way, that we end up focusing too much on whether an experience is meeting our expectations. But studies show that people who do certain activities with a specific set of expectations, or who monitor how much they are enjoying themselves every step of the way, end up actually enjoying themselves less than those who simply let go and focus on immersing themselves in the experience. Rather than striving for happiness through the expectation of how things should be, try to accept whatever experiences come your way.  That way, you’ll be able to appreciate and more easily notice all the positive things around you as opposed to feeling disappointed when things don’t measure up to fantasies.

5.  We give up amazing opportunities that require temporary discomfort

Think about a time in your life when you went through a tough but rewarding experience. I know for me personally there have been a few that have really been significant. One in fact was quite recent. By far the toughest and most grueling time of my life! But the man that I was when the storm started was nowhere near the man that walked out of that storm.

Try and think back, perhaps you took on a challenging project.  Do you remember feeling a great sense of anxiety telling you that you would fail, but you didn’t? And as a result, not only did you achieve something amazing, you also opened up an array of new opportunities for yourself, became a little bit wiser, and gained a greater sense of self-confidence. Well, it just shows us that if we want to discover new and interesting opportunities in life, it’s not possible to feel happy every moment along the way.  A little discomfort is necessary medicine.  As they say, opportunity is missed by most people simply because it’s dressed in overalls and looks like hard work.  Don’t be one of these people.

6.  We look for happiness in all the wrong places

A 24/7 obsession with finding happiness can cause us to focus on the wrong things, because we’re often poor judges of what will make us happy. For example, we might think that buying a new house, being popular and having a certain amount of money will make us happy, so we strive relentlessly for them, but in reality, when we finally get these things, we still feel like something is missing. It’s the old “I’ll be happy when I’ve got X” syndrome.  Except when you get X, you realize it’s not everything you expected.  It never is. Does this sound familiar to you?

Perhaps it’s because we are constantly being sent messages from society and popular media telling us that X, Y & Z will make us happy.  We hear, “If you’re slim you’ll be happy,” or, “If you have the latest technology you’ll be happy,” or, “If you’re rich or popular you’ll be happy.”  And because we’re so obsessed with finding happiness, we buy into it. The truth is, these things don’t lead to a deep sense of happiness, and we’re often poor judges by believing they will.  True happiness comes from within yourself, not from something or someone else.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on something or someone to come along and make you happy.

7.  We tie our happiness to the futile idea of perfection

Oftentimes, when we strive for happiness, what we are really aiming for is to feel perfect. But perfection is an illusion. We are beautifully imperfect beings, operating in a very imperfect world, and that is just the way it’s meant to be.  Striving for perfection is a hollow goal, one that can never be achieved. Society shows us doctored images of perfection constantly in marketing and popular media.  Do not buy into this illusion; it will only lead you into darkness.  Embrace your quirks, your flaws and the fact that life is a roller coaster at times.  Strive for excellence, have high standards… but never confuse that with the crippling behavior of perfectionism. Rather than striving to be perfect, embrace and appreciate all the beautiful, natural imperfections of life, and use these things to grow stronger, wiser, and more whole as an individual.


The secret to a fulfilling life is wholeness, not happiness

Pursuing wholeness comes down to accepting and embracing all aspects of life – sadness, frustration, pain, failure and happiness, as well as realizing that all these things are equally as important for a balanced, fulfilling and truly happy experience. It’s about understanding that life is not just a bowl of cherries, and that in order to grow and learn, we rely on the harsh realities of life. In fact, even though it’s hard, we need to be grateful for these things. Rather than trying to hide from adversities, we need to embrace them…Because we know that they will make us stronger, more passionate, motivated, versatile, confident, resilient, capable and ultimately more whole as individuals – as well as adding more meaning and deeper fulfillment to our lives.

“Everyone says we grow through pain and as soon as they experience it they say, ‘Quick!  Move on!  Cheer up!’  Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all those things which make us who we are.”
―Hugh Mackay

How to strive for wholeness:

In order to get the most out of your pursuit for wholeness, the following are some key things to do in your daily life:

  • Embrace rather than avoid life’s adversities.  Laugh at your mistakes and learn from them.  Joke about your troubles and gather strength from them.  Have fun with the challenges you face and then conquer them.
  • Rather than shutting out or suppressing negative emotions, allow yourself to really feel them, so you can deal with them.  Take full, unhindered control of your emotions, so your emotions do not control you behind your back.
  • Find peace with yourself and your past.  Rather than remaining angry or hurt throughout your life, choose to forgive yourself and others, and try to actually appreciate the experiences for what they have taught you.
  • Proactively identify knowledge gaps in your life experience and take steps to fill them, even if it requires you to stretch your comfort zone.
  • Shift some of your attention away from what you want, and refocus it on what others need.

Will you choose wholeness over happiness?

When you choose to actively seek wholeness, your life will feel much more fulfilling. You will feel more satisfied and happy with your life, because rather than feeling burdened by life’s challenges, you will be on a constant journey of growth and discovery.  Everything, good or bad, will move you forward. After all, you’re not a victim. You’re a strong human being. You have an interesting life, and it is magnificent.  Keep this in mind, and live it accordingly. And while you’re out there doing your thing, you will also learn to love, accept and understand yourself better as you learn to overcome the brokenness inside you. I challenge you to choose wholeness from today onward. The next time you feel sad or disappointed, don’t try to shut it out or distract yourself from it.  Instead, accept it as who you are, be okay with it and allow it to add new layers of understanding and awareness to your life.

Now it is your turn…

What else would you add to this list?  What mistakes have you made in the pursuit of happiness?  How have you coped?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights.

By: Dr. Matt Lindsay

 

Take Back Your Life: TDT’s 6 Tricks to Overcoming Social Anxiety By: Dr. Matt Lindsay

Everyone, even the most confident person you know, is nervous or anxious in new social situations. After all, humans are social creatures designed to rely on the acceptance of each other.
We all want to fit in; we all want to be well-liked. When we feel that acceptance is threatened, we get nervous and worried. This is a human reaction. It’s completely normal to fear rejection or making a fool of yourself.

However, in recent years, we’ve been hearing more and more about social anxiety, which reaches beyond these normal levels of social nervousness. In other words, it’s more than a fear of public speaking or constantly worrying about saying the wrong thing at a party.


How to Start Overcoming Social Anxiety

These are common experiences, and while you may feel more anxious about these events than others do, it doesn’t stop you from giving the presentation or attending the party. True social anxiety interferes with your life in significant ways, derailing your ability to interact and pushing you into deep isolation. If you suspect that you’re dealing with social anxiety, there are tools at your disposal, but you may also want the support of a professional who can help you design an effective and personalized plan to deal with your anxiety. But whether your anxiety is severe or mild, there are many tactics you can adopt to help with overcoming social anxiety and be as social as you desire.


1. Remember that Anxiety Isn’t Reality

Your worries are just that, worries. The situations you’re imagining haven’t actually come true; they exist only in your mind. When you start to panic, remind yourself of this and take a few deep breaths. Just because it could happen doesn’t mean that it will happen. Embracing reality is always a good antidote to catastrophizing.


2. Play the “What If?” Game

Since you’re already imagining the worst-case scenario, go with it. What if the worst actually happens and you embarrass yourself and your entire family and, for that matter, everyone you’ve ever met?

Then what?

  • Well, you’ll be embarrassed, right? Then what?
  • You’ll probably want to go home and never show your face again. Then what?
  • You’ll cry yourself to sleep. Then what?
  • You’ll wake up the next morning and feel embarrassed all over again. Then what?
  • You’ll go to work or school because you have to. Then what?

The point is, by walking yourself through the entire series of worst scenario events, you can provide yourself with evidence that life will go on, that social embarrassment can’t actually kill you. It will be unpleasant, but the earth will continue to spin. Facing your fears and their potential consequences is a good way to thwart the threat of the unknown, stealing its power to ruin a potentially great day.


3. Face Your Fears

While these are good steps to take ahead of time, in the end, if you want to take control of your anxiety, you have to actually enter the situation you’re dreading. Though you’re certain it won’t go well, do it anyway.  Sometimes, we just have to do the thing, we’re afraid of to prove to ourselves that we can. While you may not magically turn into a social butterfly, even standing awkwardly in a corner with a smile on your face and a few well-timed, “mm-hmms” is a win.

Survive and you can walk out of there at the end of the night with the knowledge that you bravely did something difficult. That’s always a good feeling. In the face of anxiety, survival is worth soaking in and acknowledging. Allow it to sink in and build your confidence.


4. Rely on Your “Wingman”

Though it may be difficult to believe, some people are good at small talk. On occasion, it’s perfectly okay for you to attach yourself to a friend who has such a talent. Not only will this friend act as a buffer for you, but you will also have the happy accident of watching them in action.

Take advantage of this.

While you stand casually at his or her side, take mental notes on the topics of conversation, the innocuous questions, the relaxed posture. These things may come naturally for your friend, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t study, learn, and incorporate them.


5. Change Your Focus

Let’s say you find yourself at a party and you feel the panic starting to overwhelm you. Maybe your hands are shaking or your mind is whirring a mile a minute, but you still can’t think of a thing to say. If this happens, position yourself as a listener and find something in the room that you can focus on.  Perhaps it’s a painting on the wall. Focus on the colors or the scenery.

Consider who the artist might be or why they painted this particular scene. Or maybe you can spend five or ten minutes wondering if the blonde across the way is a natural blonde, or just a really good dye job. Whatever it is, taking your mind off yourself is an effective way to distract yourself from your overwhelming anxiety and panic. Once you feel more steady, you’ll be ready to reenter the conversation or situation.


6. Remember that You Win Some…and You Lose Some

There will be times when it all goes much better than you expected. There will also be times when you stumble through a slightly embarrassing evening. You’re not alone. Everyone, even the people you’d never suspect, have experienced the same up and down rhythm of social success. In all likelihood, however, it won’t ever be as bad as you expect. The good news is that true social anxiety is pretty rare. If you’re an introvert who doesn’t like crowds, or if you struggle with generalized anxiety, you can still find your way in challenging social situations.


 

Summary

Even if you do suffer from severe social anxiety, there is hope. With some effort on your part and the right support, social anxiety can be overcome. The important thing to remember is that even if anxiety is a common occurrence in your life, you can still be a good friend. You can show up and you can even enjoy yourself. Make a plan, do the work and get out there!

 

By:  Dr. Matt Lindsay

TDT Asks The Question: When You Really Want Something…How Far Will You Go To Get It??? – By: Dr. Matt Lindsay

TDT Digs Up One Story You Need To Hear:

$100 Cash, A Lie & a Poker Club: How Pat McAfee Became an NFL Punter!!!

NFL: OCT 30 Chiefs at Colts

Long before he partied with Playmates, dated a beauty queen and took that infamous dip in the Broad Ripple canal; before there ever was The Pat McAfee Show, @PatMcAfeeShow and a weekly guest spot on “Bob and Tom”; before the same kid who grew up dreaming of one day living in a house with a staircase bought a million-dollar mansion in Geist; and before he became the NFL’s best punter and most lethal onside kick specialist, there was that smoky, seedy restaurant basement in Pittsburgh where a high school senior refused to let his dream die.

That basement is where it starts. It’s where a boy borrowed $100 from a friend, lied to his parents, snuck into a poker club and doubled down on his future. It’s where Pat McAfee turned $100 into $1,400. It was the money he needed to buy a plane ticket to Miami to prove to college football coaches from across the country he was the best kicker they’d never heard of.

Then he did. It was the final day of a national competition highlighting the best field goal prospects in the nation, and McAfee was angry. He’d been ignored and overlooked all weekend. He had a flight home to catch that afternoon, so he went first.

And he didn’t miss. Not from 25 yards. Or 30 or 35 or 40. Not from 45 or 50 or 55. Not from 60. Not from 65. 

He drilled nine straight while the chatter swelled in the coaching box above. Who is this kid? Not until he boomed one from 70 – six yards longer than the current NFL record – did he miss, and even that one had enough leg on it before it sailed wide right.

His holder that day was NFL punting legend Louie Aguiar, and before McAfee darted off the field, caught a cab and headed for the airport, Aguiar turned to him and said, “I don’t know who the hell you are, but you’re going to do big things.”

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McAfee shrugged. He didn’t know it at the time, but that day changed everything.

Because without that day, Tony Gibson, the West Virginia football team’s recruiting coordinator, isn’t tapping McAfee on the shoulder in his high school lunchroom in Plum, Penn. the next afternoon, offering him a scholarship. And without McAfee’s four years in Morgantown, punting and kicking his way into the WVU record books, he doesn’t catch the eye of NFL scouts. And without that, there isn’t a phone call from Bill Polian on April 26, 2009, asking him, “Are you ready to be an Indianapolis Colt?”

Eating dinner at a restaurant not far from his new home, McAfee shakes his head, reliving the wild, wondrous ride he’s been on since he sat at that poker table in the basement of that restaurant a decade ago.

Then he smiles. He remembers the hand that earned him his biggest take.

Pat McAfee owes his NFL career to a pair of pocket jacks.

At first, he was supposed to be a professional soccer player.

Then a kicker at Penn State.

Then a Dallas Cowboy.

“So many little things had to happen for me to end up here,” he says of Indianapolis, his adopted home.

If it was fate that brought him here, it wasn’t without trials. Soccer was his first love. It ate up weekend after weekend, but the McAfees kept piling into their Subaru Impreza and driving to tournament after tournament. The sport was Pat’s life. It was the family’s life.

“We probably drove a billion miles in that thing,” says Tim McAfee.

It’s his mom, though, that can take credit for his start in punting. Sally McAfee was scouring the Internet one day when she stumbled on a Punt, Pass & Kick competition. This had Pat written all over it, she thought. Her son would spend hours thumping a soccer ball as hard as he could against the brick wall of their one-story home outside of Pittsburgh.

“You’d hear a boom … another boom … then crash,” Tim recalls, making the sound of a window breaking.

Pat won that competition. And the next. And by the time he was a high school sophomore, he was a national Punt, Pass & Kick champion. Though still a soccer star – to that point he’d never played a down of high school football – he was invited to give field goals a shot at Penn State’s kicking camp.

By the end of that week, McAfee says, the Nittany Lion coaches promised a scholarship. “You’re our guy,” they told him. He kicked field goals for his high school team that fall, then returned to the camp the next summer only to find out the staff had invited a lefty named Kevin Kelly to compete with him for the week.

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“I beat him,” McAfee says. “We think everything’s good, so we don’t even worry about recruiting. And then, like a few months later, I hear on the radio one day that Penn State has offered Kevin Kelly a scholarship.”

Pat was crushed. He shifted his attention back to soccer. He was done with football.

“What a waste, a complete waste,” he told his parents.

But Tim McAfee wasn’t one to let his son quit. He scrapped together a highlight film of Pat drilling field goals from as far as 60 yards and mailed it to every Division 1 college he could think of. Kent State was the only school that called.

 

That’s where he was headed until his phone buzzed in the middle of physics class on a December day his senior year. McAfee answered. It was Mike McCabe, a kicking guru who was hosting a national competition for high school players in Miami in a few days. A hundred or so college coaches would be in attendance. Any interest?

McAfee was in. The only problem? The trip would cost $1,500. Tim and Sally held firm: You’ve made a verbal commitment to Kent State, they told their son. You need to honor that.

But McAfee, ambitious and fearless to a fault, wanted to see what was out there. So he lied. A few nights later he told them he was sleeping over at a friend’s place. He snuck into the basement of that restaurant, won money off men twice his age and bought his plane ticket to Florida. One way or another, he was going to prove he could kick with the best.

And not until the following Monday, after McAfee had wowed the coaches at McCabe’s showcase before quickly bolting for the airport, did Tony Gibson present him with his trophy.

McAfee didn’t even know he’d won. 

By the eighth game of his sophomore year in Morgantown he’d earned both the kicking and punting jobs. By his senior year, he’d compiled an average north of 43 yards a punt, knocked in 58 field goals (a long of 52) and was the school’s all-time leading scorer.

“If I’d ended up at Kent State,” he says now, “who knows if I’d even have kicked and punted? It’s crazy how things played out.”

At the time, he figured if he had a shot at the NFL, field goal kicking would be his meal ticket.

Left off the invite list for the NFL combine, he prepped for his pro day at West Virginia. Then, with Steelers coach Mike Tomlin running the workout in front of dozens of NFL scouts, he aced it.

“I had the best day of my life,” McAfee says. “Literally, the best day of my life.”

He later worked out for three teams: Indianapolis, Dallas and New England. It was Ray Rychleski, then the Colts’ special teams coach, who worked him out. Afterwards, he was brutally honest. 

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“I have two other kickers I want,” McAfee recalls Rychleski telling him. “I don’t want to be here, but Bill Polian made me come.”

“After that workout,” McAfee recalls, “I said to myself: Anywhere but Indianapolis.”

It was the Dallas special teams coach who reached out to McAfee the week of the draft, assuring him he was their guy. So McAfee invited friends over to his parents’ house on Draft Day to celebrate. He was going to the NFL. He was going to be a Cowboy. Life was good.

Then came a punch in the gut: Dallas’ late-round pick came and went. McAfee’s phone never rang.

They instead took USC kicker David Buehler. For McAfee, it was the rejection of Penn State all over again.

“The most miserable thing ever,” he remembers. 

A few hours later, his phone buzzed. The Colts had swapped spots with Philadelphia to draft him. Polian, then the general manager, was on the line asking him if he was ready to be an Indianapolis Colt.

McAfee was shocked. Elated. Confused.

“The last time we drafted a punter, it was Hunter Smith and he lasted 10 years with us,” Polian told him. “We hope to do the same with you.”

It was then McAfee realized he wouldn’t be kicking field goals in the NFL. He’d be a punter. So the day after the draft, he and his dad drove out to his high school football field.

“We had to figure out how to friggin’ punt,” he says. 

He has. Slowly. Steadily. With a few speed bumps, on the field and off. (See: Canal jumping.)

And, just as West Virginia provided the perfect platform for his football career to blossom, Indianapolis has welcomed him as one of its own. He’s become the people’s punter. He’s charming and affable in person, witty and wily on Twitter, a medium that’s helped his stardom soar.

“If DeMarco Murray was to square me up and hit me like he hit 77,” he wrote of the Cowboys running back last season, “I’d poop… No doubt about it.. I’d poop my pants.. Right there on TV.”

And, before a random drug test this season: “Drank a ton of SmartWater before the pee cup drug test … should test positive for intelligence.”

He hosts a weekly television show, hops on “Bob and Tom” regularly and appears on NFL Network once a week. He dated 2010 Miss Indiana Allison Biehle (they’ve since broken up), partied with Kendra Wilkinson, volunteers relentlessly and runs a foundation that provides assistance to military families.

 Along with teammate Coby Fleener, he surprised a Purple Heart recipient this summer with a home overhaul – new home theater, new kitchen appliances, new furniture. He’ll host a Halloween party next Friday that will benefit Wish For Our Heroes, a charity that provides benefits for active-duty military.

He spends his free time writing screenplays and poetry, and when he bought his dream home in Geist this past offseason, he convinced his parents to move from Plum into his old house on the Westside.

It can appear, at times, that he’s the busiest man in the city. But there is a conviction in his words when he speaks about this season and this Colts team. He’s never had more fun playing football.

“Not even close,” he says.

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It started this past summer: McAfee heeded the advice of veteran teammate Adam Vinatieri, began cutting the junk food from his diet and taking the weight room seriously. He cut 15 pounds. The result is nothing short of the finest season of his career.

He has met every expectation that came with the five-year, $14 million contract the Colts rewarded him with in March. He leads the league in net punting average, kickoff touchbacks, and nine-iron celebrations. He’s pinned 13 punts inside the opponents’ 20-yard line, constantly swinging the field position battle in the Colts’ favor. He’s converted three onside kicks, most in the league.

It’s not a reach to say he’s changing games.

“In the past, we never really unloaded that clip,” says long snapper Matt Overton, one of McAfee’s closest friends on the team. “This year, we have. And you’re seeing what kind of a weapon he can be.”

The accolades have poured in: AFC Special Teams Player of the Month for September, then a Player of the Week nod earlier this month. His first Pro Bowl is not out of the question.

“We can be the most dominant special teams unit in the history of the NFL,” he proclaims. “And we know that. And we want that.

“My goal is to change the way people look at punters and kickers.”

The craziest thing about that statement? He already has.

By:  Zak Keefer

TDT Uncovers the Driving Motivation Behind 5 of the Most Successful People Ever – Dr. Matt Lindsay

 

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Do you wonder what motivates and drives some of the most successful people in the world? Often, the answer to the above question is one of the following: Power, money, or fame. Maybe those are motivators for some people, but not for the most successful.  

The factors that keep successful people going are much deeper. We can learn valuable lessons from these people and how they are able to achieve sustained success. Here is what was the driving force, the motivation that drove the what are arguably the 5 most successful people in history.


#1

Michael Jordan

‘FAILURE’

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Michael Jordan is arguably the greatest basketball player of all time.  He became one of the best by using failure as motivation. Jordan was quoted saying, “I despise it when I fail at something…because it often means I lost. I hate losing more than I like winning! One’s ability to cope and use failure to their advantage can make them work even harder…hard enough to succeed.”

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When Jordan was in high school, he failed to make the varsity team his sophomore year. The day he found out he wasn’t on the team, he went home, locked his room, and cried himself to sleep. At that point, he could have given up. Instead, he went to work. He spent hours practicing basketball and once said when he got tired on the court he would visualize the varsity basketball list without his name.  That would give him the motivation to start going again.

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The next year, Jordan made the varsity team and averaged more than 20 points per game. His senior year he averaged a triple-double. He could have become complacent, but he continued to work his ass off! His work ethic combined with failure as his motivation, helped him win six NBA championships, earn six NBA MVP awards, six-time NBA Finals MVPs, and much more.

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“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.” – Michael Jordan


#2

Oprah Winfrey

‘TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN LIFE’

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Oprah Winfrey didn’t grow up privileged. She was poor, abused, and a minority in the 1950’s. The odds were not in her favor. Though most people would have used her background as an excuse, she did not.

Oprah once said on the Larry King Show, “Basically the message of The Secret is the message I have been trying to share with the world on my show for the past 21 years. The message is that you are really responsible for your life. You are responsible for your life.” She also said, “the way you think creates reality for yourself.”

Oprah’s motivation was understanding she could accomplish big things in her life by owning her outcomes. Instead of using her horrible past as a crutch, Winfrey took responsibility for her life.

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Some of her accomplishments include a top-rated talk show, the OWN television network, an estimated net worth of $3 billion, and numerous philanthropy projects where she has given away hundreds of millions of dollars.


#3

Steve Jobs

‘MORTALITY’

There is no doubt Steve Jobs changed the lives of millions of people. He was brilliant. The motivation behind some of his biggest accomplishments was death.

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Jobs said in a commencement speech at Stanford,” Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.  Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.”

During that speech, he also said, “for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”Steve_Jobs_portrait_by_tumb

To Jobs, there was no bigger motivator then death. Knowing he would eventually die helped him accomplish outlandish goals. It was even used as a motivator to create some of his boldest inventions including the iPhone and iPad.

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#4

Walt Disney

‘CURIOSITY’

Most of Walt Disney’s early life was checkered with failure.  He even filed bankruptcy in his early 20s after the failure of a cartoon series in Kansas City. Luckily, for millions of children and adults, his curiosity to do big things kept him going.

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Disney said “If you dream it, you can do it.  We keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.  All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.”

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This thirst for curiosity helped him produce Mickey Mouse, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, and several more Disney characters.  Additionally, curiosity led him to purchase swamp land in Florida for the future of the most well-known theme park in the world – Walt Disney World.

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“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.” – Walt Disney


#5

Tony Robbins

‘HUNGER’

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According to Tony Robbin’s website, he is the nation’s #1 Life and Business Strategist.  He has helped more than 50 million people worldwide through his audio, video, and life training programs. Jillian Knox Finley wrote, “We asked Robbins what he believed to be the single most significant gap standing between mediocrity and greatness.  His response: HUNGER.

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According to Finley, Robbins said,”I think the most common thing is hunger.  If you look at the people who are most successful on the face of the earth, they don’t just have hunger for a while.  They have hunger for a lifetime.” Robbins, himself, has hunger to simply help people. His hunger is how he has been able to help so many people over the past 38 plus years.

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The most successful people aren’t successful because they were chasing money, power, or fame.  They are successful because they have something deep within motivating them to succeed.

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By :  Dr. Matt Lindsay

TDT’s 10 Daily Rituals to Become a Lion Among Sheep – By: Dr. Matt Lindsay

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We live in a society of “SHEEP”  People are sensitive to everything. A world where people need safe spaces because their feelings got hurt. If we don’t prefer something, we complain. People think life isn’t fair to only them. They put the blame on others instead of themselves. It’s in this world, one breed that stands tall. THE LION!!! Lions will rise against the sheep. The Lions are the successful ones. Every time you turn to look around, they’ve accomplished something greater. While you are staying a sheep, their roar is getting louder. Those who are lions started as cubs. Perhaps they were once sheep themselves. But you can transform into a Lion.

 TDT’s 10 Daily Rituals of the Lions in the World:

1. A Lion gets up before sunrise

Most people get out of bed and go straight to work. They take hours to get started. Then it’s lunch time. Their full and unproductive once again. They go home from work executing minimal.

The lion gets up before the sunrise. They wake between four and five in the morning. When you’re getting up, a lion has done work. In what you achieve in one day, a lion has accomplished by nine in the morning.

Lions include this practice on the weekends. They don’t slip into the mediocrity mindset. They don’t care about going out and partying. A lions work wakes him.

2. A Lion Takes COLD Showers

While most people don’t dare to take a cold shower, a lion takes one everyday. Whether it’s zero degrees or eighty degrees, he knows through this uncomfortable process, he will get stronger.

A lion understands that if he can get an edge over his competition, he will take it. Hot showers have no benefit for a person. Cold showers can help relieve your stress and boost your energy levels.

No matter how tough it might be, a lion will take a cold shower. Others will think of him as crazy, he knows the average mindset speaking.

3. A Lion Reads for 1 hour a day

Lions are improving themselves every day. The person they were last month doesn’t compare to the person they were today. Lions read between fifty to sixty books per year. They read books on everything and have a vast knowledge of the world.

Sheep read one book per year if that. They’re not listening to audiotapes in the car. Reading a book won’t cross their mind. Lions will use this to their advantage. A true lion knows if it wants to get ahead in life, he must apply the knowledge he reads. He’s a voracious reader and let’s nothing stand in his way.

4. A Lion Completes your predetermined daily tasks

Before each day, a lion writes what he must achieve. He numbers the list and knows when he wakes up the next morning, he’ll hit the ground running.

With the tasks to achieve, a lion is sacred in completing them. No one will stop him from achieving the day. When a lion sets these tasks, they are out of his reach. This will force him to grow.

He will not sleep until his tasks are done. Lions have the self-discipline it takes to become successful. They know it starts with what they do each day.

5. A Lion doesn’t waste time

Sheep of the world spend countless hours on their phone and watching TV. You wouldn’t dare to see a lion use a TV in his house. They don’t want that temptation.

The only time they use their phone is if they are doing business. While majority of people are wasting time on social media, lions are completing their tasks. They are getting faster and they are getting stronger. Lions use this as an asset.

A lion uses the power of suppression to dull the need to waste time. They don’t pick up the phone unless they need to. Lions don’t know what’s happening in the world. They are one-hundred percent focused on growing their business and mastering their craft.

6. A Lion Eats healthy 

Lions pay attention to what they’re eating. Sheep eat everything in sight. They don’t understand how it will affect their performance. Sheep put it off until tomorrow while a lion focuses on today.

A lion will plan out his meals according to a schedule. He knows when to take a break and eat. He focuses on eating the foods that will sustain and give him energy throughout the day. A sheep never pays attention to his diet. A lion will gain power. Trust me, they put it to their best use.

“To eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art.” – La Rochefoucauld

 

7. A Lion Exercises

Someone who’s a lion never goes a full day without exercise. Whether that’s power lifting or cardio. You wouldn’t catch a lion not improving his body. A sheep is one to never workout.

Lions have their programs for working out. They either purchased these or work with a trainer. Lions understand that it’s not only important to strengthen your mind, but to strengthen your body. There’s not one place in which a lion wants to lack.

Sometimes a lion won’t want to workout. He’ll still force himself to go to the gym or go outside for a run. Once again, a lion sees this as themselves getting stronger.

8. A Lion follows their PURPOSE

A lion doesn’t want to work for someone else. Each and every one of us has our own calling. The sheep will tremble in fear. They think others will think different of them. Sheep are paralyzed by their fears of what could go wrong.

The Lion goes after his dream, even if he knows he might fail. He’d want to spend his entire life chasing his dream rather than creating someone else’s. With each passing day, a lion is getting better on his craft.

Every person in this world knows what their passion is. It’s hidden inside of ourselves. Sheep keep it trapped while lions let it roar.

9. SHOWS others why they’re the beast

Everyone wants to be a beast until it’s time to do what beasts do. When others are scared to take a risk, lions capitalize. When there’s blood in the streets, lions make a fortune.

Sheep procrastinate on their tasks. They put it off until tomorrow. A lion smells fear and goes in for the kill. They don’t wait for the ideal time. There is never a more perfect time than in the present.

When it’s Saturday night and the sheep are out partying, the lion is grinding. He doesn’t use a parameter for time. The weekend is another day to work on his craft.

10. A Lion isn’t AFRAID to SCARE himself

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A lion might meditate for twenty minutes instead of ten. It could be making one-hundred sales call in a day instead of fifty. A lion knows if it wants to grow, he must get out of its comfort zone.

While the sheep stay complacent, a lion is scaring themselves. They want to meet failure, to learn from the circumstance. A sheep wouldn’t dare to break out of their daily routine. Lions venture into new territory. Places they’ve never been. They conquer new lands and hold the throne to new kingdoms.

 

By:  Dr. Matt Lindsay

TDT’s Top 10 Must Haves of a Successful Resume: It’s Time to Make Your Resume Stand Out! – By: Dr. Matt Lindsay

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Ok…You have about six seconds. READY….SET…GO!

That’s the amount of time you have to impress a recruiter with your résumé.

In some cases, whoever’s reading your CV might be looking for a reason to toss it in the “NO PILE”….or worse….the “FUCK NO PILE!”

You need to sweat the small stuff. That means making certain that your resume hits on these nine basic elements:

1. Contact information

This may seem obvious, but candidates sometimes forget to include basic information like their email address, or they bury it at the bottom. “Include your name, phone number, email, and URL to your LinkedIn profile right at the top of the page,” executive career coach and founder of Resume Writers Inc Tina Nicolai says. “And you don’t need to include your home address.”

Executive résumé writer… Mary Elizabeth Bradford suggests including just one phone number and email address. “Some people will include their home and cell numbers, for example –but I find multiple contact choices to be confusing. Make it easy for your reader to understand how to contact you.”

2. Professional title

When someone reviews your résumé, there should be no question as to the type of role you’re seeking, says Amanda Augustine, a career-advice expert for TopResume. “Make sure your goals are crystal clear by including a professional title at the top of your résumé, such as ‘Senior Accounting Professional’ or ‘Marketing & Sales Associate,’ just below your contact information and above your career narrative (what I usually call the ‘professional summary’).”

3. Keywords from the job posting

You’ll want to include (without making it look like you did a lot of copying and pasting) some keywords and phrases from the job posting. This is especially important if the employer uses a résumé-scanning system.

Augustine says in addition to eyeballing job descriptions that are relevant to your job search and pulling out the most commonly used keywords, you can also copy and paste a number of the job descriptions into JobScan.co to identify the most frequently mentioned terms and see how your résumé measures up.

“You get up to five scans for free, so I recommend scanning your résumé against a number of job descriptions (3-5) at the same time to get the most out of the service and get a better aggregate of the terms you should be using.”

4. Accomplishments and achievements

Employers need to know what you’ve done to contribute to the growth of your department, team, and company to determine whether your strengths align with the needs and responsibilities of their company and the job opening, Nicolai says.

Under each job title and description, include the most important, impressive, and relevant achievements.

5. Your career narrative

“No matter if you are constructing a functional résumé or a chronological résumé, some kind of professional history is critical,” Bradford says. “But make sure your story makes for a more interesting read.”

6. Metrics

“Employers need numbers to be able to fully evaluate the scope of your bandwidth,” Nicolai says. “No position is exempt from measuring results. And metrics help employers determine if a person is capable of leading a team, managing clients, or growing the business.”

Metrics are also a great way to back up your achievements.

For instance, instead of just saying, “Helped grow revenue,” say something like, “Helped grow revenue by 500% to $1 million in 12 month period by doing X.”

7. Certifications and credentials

If you have a certification or advanced degree that’s considered to be an asset in your field, such as an MBA or RN, include it after your name at the very top of your résumé, suggests Augustine. “You don’t need to include the acronym for your undergraduate degree or a certification that’s not relevant to your current job goals. ”

She says you should “still add details about these credentials in the education and professional development section of your résumé. Since this section usually appears at the end of your résumé, adding the acronyms after your name ensures the recruiter doesn’t accidentally miss this important information when they’re quickly scanning your job application.”

8. Relevant URL’s

While résumés tend to be pretty cut-and-dried documents, there are ways to give hiring managers a better sense of your personality and expertise without breaking some of the standard résumé guidelines, Augustine explains. “Include links to websites that highlight your personal brand. This information should be grouped with your contact information at the top of your résumé. In addition to including the URL to your LinkedIn profile, you may want to include the links to your blog or online portfolio.”

A word to the wise:   If you decide to add this information to your résumé, make sure you’re keeping these sites current and that the focus of these sites supports your personal brand and is relevant to your current job goals, she says. “For instance, if you’re searching for a job in operations, there’s no need to share the link to your blog about your favorite musician.”

9. Verbs

In your résumé, you want your language to be direct and succinct. Rely on verbs, not adjectives, to convey a sense of action and accomplishment.

In a city AM article, Emma Haslett writes that recruiters tend to favor certain verbs (like “managed” and “delivered”). If you want to expand your CV vocabulary, check out this helpful list of action verbs from Michigan State University.

10. Be the guy that you would be impressed with in an interview

Let me seriously ask you a question…When have you ever liked or even tolerated responding to an email? Short answer…NEVER! Here is another one…When have you ever enjoyed a call on the phone to the point where you feel harassed…to make it even worse how about when you are interviewing multiple people for a few positions and you simply don’t have answers for anyone yet??? to be frank, I would rather answer the emails!!! Be classy…try this when you’re done with the interview, write a hand written letter thanking each interviewer individually.

 

By:  Dr. Matt Lindsay

 

TDT’s Unreal Reads: Babies Show Ripple Effects of Mother’s Stress from 9/11 Trauma – Dr. Matt Lindsay

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Ripple Effects of Mother’s Stress from 9/11 Trauma are a VERY REAL THING!

Chevy Chase, MD, May 3, 2005 – Pregnant women present during the September 11 World Trade Center collapse have passed on markers of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) to their unborn babies through trans-generational transmission. The findings strengthen the evidence for in utero or early life risk factors for the later development of adult mental or physical disorders. The study will be published online today in The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, one of the four journals produced by The Endocrine Society.

060910cover-3Previous studies led researchers to believe that reduced cortisol levels observed in the adult children of Holocaust survivors could be attributed to mostly environmental factors, such as the stress of living with a parent who is depressed or anxious, or the experience of vicarious traumatization based on hearing stories of how parents suffered, rather than a ‘transmitted’ biological trait. “In the current study, reduced stress hormone levels were observed in infants, suggesting a larger role for very early environmental, genetic, or genetic-environmental interactions than previously thought,” explains Rachel Yehuda, Ph.D., principal investigator of the study.

Scientists at Mount Sinai School of Medicine and the University of Edinburgh studied the 060910cover-1relationship between maternal posttraumatic stress syndrome disorder (PTSD) symptoms and salivary cortisol levels in 38 women and their infants. Mothers who experienced symptoms of PTSD in response to 9/11 had lower cortisol levels compared to mothers who did not develop this condition. Moreover, approximately one year after birth, the babies of mothers who had developed PTSD symptoms had significantly lower cortisol levels compared to that in babies of mothers who developed only minimal symptoms. This decrease in cortisol levels among the infants was similar to their mothers’ hormonal response to PTSD. Since lower cortisol levels in relation to maternal PTSD were most apparent in babies born to mothers who were in their third trimester on 9/11, the data implicate the possibility of in utero effects as contributors to a putative biological risk factor for PTSD.

“The findings suggest that mechanisms for transgenerational transmission of biologic effects of trauma may have to do with very early parent-child attachments,” says Dr. Yehuda, “and possibly even in utero effects related to cortisol programming.”

JCE&M is one of four journals published by The Endocrine Society. Founded in 1916, The Endocrine Society is the world’s oldest, largest, and most active organization devoted to research on hormones, and the clinical practice of endocrinology. Endocrinologists are specially trained doctors who diagnose, treat and conduct basic and clinical research on complex hormonal disorders such as diabetes, thyroid disease, osteoporosis, obesity, hypertension, cholesterol and reproductive disorders. Today, The Endocrine Society’s membership consists of over 12,000 scientists, physicians, educators, nurses and students, in more than 80 countries. Together, these members represent all basic, applied, and clinical interests in endocrinology. The Endocrine Society is based in Chevy Chase, Maryland. To learn more about the Society, and the field of endocrinology, visit the Society’s web site at endo-society.org